No Man’s Land

Sundays in early March are a strange time for a lot of sports fans. If they’re anything like me, they find themselves in limbo trying to find a decent sporting event to watch in recovery of their own “athletics events” from the past weekend. The problem is that there is no more football, baseball hasn’t started yet, and everyone who watches college hoops is just waiting for tourney time. There is some golf going on, but if their not playing for that dope, green jacket, does it really matter? So that raises the next question. What do sports fans have to look forward to during this horrible time? The simple answer is nothing. The other Sunday, I was flipping through the channels to only find NASCAR and bowling on TV. Hopefully you can read the disappointment in that sentence. Now I don’t know much about NASCAR, but I’m very hesitant to call it sport. Some people would write me off immediately. Cue the peanut gallery: “But John, they’re going so fast and they’re so close to a wall and they could crash at any minute”. I get the danger, but they go around in a circle 500 times people. Its not exactly action packed or heart racing. I don’t think anything matters until lap Number 495 and that might be generous. You want action, lets get NASCAR racers to drift through the streets of Tokyo. Now that’s danger. But seriously, all we need to know about NASCAR is that it ruined Lindsay Lohan’s promising career.

From racing to rehab

From racing to rehab

Unlike NASCAR, I love bowling. Hell, I took a bowling class here at the University of Maryland. But, that does not change the fact that bowling is not a sport. Its a game. Anybody, ranging from a 3 year old child to a 60 year old man, can bowl. There is no strategy other than to knock down all the pins. There is no athleticism required and plus “professional” bowling is so boring because all those guys do is get strikes. Live a little. Spice the game up. Throw behind the back. Close your eyes. Maybe set yourself up with 7-10 splits on purpose to keep the “fans” on the edge of their seats. The only good things to come from bowling are Pete Weber and some fantastic pieces of American cinema.

Pete dripping swagoo with rapper, Ludacris

Pete dripping swagoo with rapper, Ludacris

Bowling has given us such classics as The Big Lebowski, Kingpin, and my personal favorite, Alley Cats Strike.

In terms of sports, I think its a good rule of thumb that if a movie is more entertaining than the actual event, it just isn’t a sport. So, sports fans, the next time you find yourself struggling on a Sunday in early March, don’t bother flipping through the 18 versions of ESPN. Just pop in Days of Thunder (pre-crazy Crusie. Nothing better).

lot of crazy behind those shades now

A lot of crazy behind those shades now